THIS BLOG MAY CONTAIN ADULT MATERIAL. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Monday, September 02, 2002
BECAUSE OF an ear infection, my young son, Casey, had to go to the pediatrician. I was impressed with the way the doctor directed his comments and questions to my son. When he asked Casey, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Casey nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to me. Without looking at it, I tucked it into my purse.
Later, the pharmacist filled the order, remarking on the unusual food-drug interaction my son must have. When he saw my puzzled expression, he showed me the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read: "Do not take with broccoli."
-- Contributed to Reader's Digest "Life In These United States" by Jackie DeGennaro
posted by Dj on 11:02 AM | | link
MOST FRIDAY NIGHTS at the Naval Station in Bermuda, we would assemble at the officers club after work. One Friday, Rick, a newly married ensign, insisted he had to leave at 6 p.m. We all tried to talk him into staying, but he'd promised his bride he'd be home by six. I offered to call home for Rick.
When his wife answered the phone, I said, "Rick has been kidnapped. Put five dollars in small, unmarked bills in a plain brown paper bag and throw it in the door of the officers club." Then I hung up.
A short time later, a waiter brought a grocery bag to our table. In it were Rick's baseball glove, a tennis racket and a teddy bear. Attached to the bear was a note: "Rick can play kidnapped until 7 p.m. Then he must come home."
--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Harry E. Clark
posted by Dj on 8:44 AM | | link
Thursday, August 29, 2002
WORKING in a print shop, my co-worker and I sometimes forget how complex the equipment seems to clients. She explained to one woman how to use a copier that could enlarge, reduce, collate, change paper size and adjust the lightness or darkness of copies. "It's really so simple," my colleague concluded. "All you have to do is tell it what you want, and it does it."
The client's anxiety vanished. Leaning close to the machine, she commanded, "Copy both sides, please!"
-- Contributed to Reader's Digest "All In a Day's Work" by Aleta Sonnenberg
posted by Dj on 10:50 AM | | link
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
I WAS GLANCING over the cover of a women's magazine I'd just bought. One title caught my eye: "Men's Secret Fear About Their Working Wives." I decided to get a firsthand account. "What's your innermost fear about my working?" I asked my husband.
"That you'll quit," he promptly replied.
-- Contributed to Reader's Digest "Life In These United States" by Linda G. McClenon
posted by Dj on 5:15 PM | | link
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
I HAD GONE to a lumberyard to buy two posts for my new hammock. "How long will the posts last once they are sunk in the ground?" I asked the clerk.
"Longer than you will," he responded. Encouraged, I bought them.
Another customer who was standing nearby grinned and asked, "Did it ever occur to you that he might be saying that you're not looking all that well?"
-- Contributed to Reader's Digest "Life In These United States" by Leo Grant
posted by Dj on 10:17 AM | | link
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS John F. Kennedy was on a training cruise near Cuba, and we received a report of yet another Soviet photo-reconnaissance aircraft. After launching fighters to escort it away, our captain came on the loudspeaker and called for all those not on watch to go to the flight deck and bring their cameras.
Imagine Soviet intelligence's embarrassment when the plane's photographs were developed and, instead of revealing sensitive operations, showed a thousand U.S. sailors taking pictures of the Russian aircraft.
--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Steven E. Haynes, WT1
posted by Dj on 8:57 AM | | link
Monday, June 17, 2002
MY FATHER and my husband, Ron, were barbecuing steaks one afternoon. When Ron requested that his be cooked well-done, my father, who was raised in the Midwest, replied, "We don't do that to a good piece of meat!" Several weeks later we took a fresh yellowfin tuna over to share with my parents. As my father started to place the fillets on the grill, my husband, who is half Japanese, caught him and said, "Uh-uh. We don't do that to a good piece of fish!"
-- Contributed to Reader's Digest "Life In These United States" by Cynthia Lund
posted by Dj on 12:10 PM | | link
Tuesday, June 11, 2002
I WAS WORKING in the Visitor Control Center at Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, when a man in civilian clothes approached a fellow airman and requested a vehicle pass. The airman, fresh out of technical training , asked to see his military ID, driver's license and vehicle registration. Noticing the letters BG on the man's identification, the new airman asked, "What's BG stand for -- Big Guy?" "No," the man replied, leaning over the counter. "Try Brigadier General."
--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform " by Michael G. Pritchett
posted by Dj on 7:02 PM | | link